Uh.. Hello this is Ned Schneebly
Fuck, my tea.
me approximately an hour after every time I make tea (via madopiano)

evincibly:

am I the only one who looks at every grape before I eat it 

edgebug:

instead of watching the 50 Shades trailer, why not just make awkward eye contact with a total stranger at the grocery store for a solid 2 minutes and 34 seconds? you get the same skin-crawling, uncomfortable feeling but without the shitty writing, terrible acting and massive dose of rape culture

sandandglass:

Daily Show correspondent Michael Che tries to find a safe place to report from.

bombing:

noseblow:

bombing:

i’m on a seafood diet. i only eat seafood

that’s not how the joke goes lmao

do my weight loss goals seem like a fucking joke to you

super-mario-rpg:

roxenfel:

the nintendo ds came out 10 years ago

image

pleatedjeans:

via

bunsen:

when u make a joke only u and ur friend get

image

basementdemo:

my mom told me to put the dog to bed but didn’t specify which bed 

tastefullyoffensive:

"I nominate Mona Lisa and the Girl with the Pearl Earring." [via]

tastefullyoffensive:

"I nominate Mona Lisa and the Girl with the Pearl Earring." [via]

allisonscrown:

"where’s my christian grey????” hopefully locked up in prison